


Perfect Strangers

by oak_savi



Series: First Sessons [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BEN is a pervert, Ben Likes Bukowski, Ben is an ex military mess, Doctor/Patient, F/M, It's not slow, Literature nerds, Ohio blue tip matches, POV Ben Solo, POV Kylo Ren, POV Rey (Star Wars), Philosophy, Please forgive me Carrie Fisher, Rey Likes Radiohead, Rey is a student getting her masters in pshycology, Rose Tico doesn't exist, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Snoke is a woman, but it burns, real plot, unexpected ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:27:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22431838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oak_savi/pseuds/oak_savi
Summary: Ben knew how inappropriate it was to look into her private life, but he didn’t care. There was a way to behave, and there was a way in which Ben behaved; he was not malevolent, but he had questionable behaviours.On the surface, he was cohesive and composed. Under the surface, Ben was an unruly, depraved young man. Growing up in the shadow of his mother and grandfather allowed him illicit freedoms. Ben, being an opportunist, came of age in a world where he could have whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted it.**This story depicts Ben as a military mess, and Rey as a student completing her Masters. Lots of cannon convergence, lots of Adam driver hints and lots of perversion,
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: First Sessons [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1614268
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. Beauvoir

It has been a very sluggish day for Rey. She had just started an internship to complete her masters in Psychology. Only another 120 hours of interning before she would officially complete her program. As a clerk, her clients were always coming and going. There was very little opportunity to fully understand or engage people and this was incredibly frustrating for a woman like Rey.

Feeling blessed that her last client was a no show, she headed to a quaint coffee shop two blocks south.

The busy city always offered a fair amount of people watching, but not today. The season’s were changing and the wind was blowing hard. There was a moment at the beginning of the walk when Rey thought that maybe she should just turn around and head back to her office. She was carrying a small handful of things that seem to feel much heavier now that she was battling the wind. With only one more block to go, she continued to push through.

The wind was relentless, the city garbage was now blowing through the air. In an attempt to get off the street faster, she leapt from a curb to the raised step in front of the cafe, slipping on a single grocery bag that had blown into the foyer. This misstep led her to fall forwards into the cafe as her belongings scattered across the floor. When she had fallen through the door, she had landed in an awkward position, nearly sitting with her left leg splitting backwards. She could hardly fathom what had just happened; she was out there, now she’s in here, and the little polish lady, Maz, who runs this joint is smiling right at her. 

“You sure know how to make an entrance,” Maz said, smiling at her from behind the counter. 

It all happened so quickly.   
Suddenly there’s a voice in front of her. 

“Let me help you up.” 

She looks up to bare witness, of her witness. He’s not only smiling at her, he’s laughing at her. 

“This is funny to you, is it?” She pouts as he’s pulling her up. 

“Well yeah. You slipped on a garbage bag,” breaking into subtle, but low laughter, “And literally slid in here, doing the splits.” His brows are angled up, smiling and waiting for her to react. 

Maybe it was funny, she thought, or maybe it would be funny, but right now, it’s absolutely mortifying. When he had pulled her up, he had pulled her uncomfortably close to him. She was but a shadow under this man. Though all his features were dark, his smile and eyes were soft. Rey was the first to break eye contact, fumbling with her jacket, eyes peering to the floor in search of her belongings. 

“I’m sorry. I really thought I’d be laughing with you, not at you” He said, getting down on his knees to gather her things. 

Wow. He’s huge. Even folded in half, this man is nearly twice the size of her. As he reached for her things, Rey relished this opportunity to look at him without having to look into his eyes. His hair was thick, black with loose but silky waves to his shoulders. He smelled good, like the oak and tobacco candles she only lit on special occasions. 

He stood up to hand her her things. 

“It’s okay. It was funny” She said smiling, “I’m just having one of those days.”

“Simone de Beauvoir?” 

“I’m sorry, what?” She said. 

“The book. You’re reading Simone de Beauvoir” holding up her copy of _The Ethics of Ambiguity_.

“Yes. I am. Well, not at the moment. I’m actually sliding into cafes while tossing it” She replied laughing awkwardly, snatching the book from his hand, keeping her smile and trying her best to make light of this embarrassing situation. She gave him a nod and walked around him to make her way to the counter. 

“A latte please. Do you have any oat or coconut milk Maz?” she asked.

“I have milk.” 

“Okay. Milk is great. Thanks” She responded. 

This cafe was a diamond in the rough. Maz had been running this place all her life. Over the years, the decor stayed the same. Photos of her late husband hung on all the walls, collecting dust, yet still hanging proud. He was a famous European cyclist before the second world war. Maz often spoke of her husband as if he was still there, pointing to the photographs. It was all very endearing to Rey; she had never known that kind of love. Aside from the decor, Maz had meticulously kept and maintained an ancient espresso machine from Europe, making Maz Kawa’s coffee shop her favourite city nook. 

Now that her coffee order was in, she could go back to being embarrassed around the tall stranger, who was unfortunately the only person in the fucking cafe. She had wanted to read and relax here but there was no way she could possibly do that now. 

She turned her head over her shoulder to find him still standing in the spot where he had lifted her up. His demeanour was calm, but he was still intimidating. He was tall, dark and handsome, no doubt about that. She’s blushing now, or she’s blushing still. 

“Beauvoir is excellent, but I relate more to Camus.” 

Is this small talk, or is this flirting? It has been so long since Rey has actively flirted, that she truly had no idea. She just stared at him. 

“It wasn’t so bad," He reassured her, "You looked kind of cute falling into here” He said sucking his bottom lip into his mouth.

“Cute?” she asked. 

A smile broke across his face, bottom lip still in his mouth. 

Before he could respond, Maz placed Rey’s latte on the counter. 

“Thank you very much,” She said, handing Maz a five dollar bill. 

“You’re welcome”, the man responded, but she had intended to thank Maz and he knew that. They shared a grin before she made her exit back into the wind. This time, the wind would be on her side.

  
**

When she got back to the office, she hung her coat and went into the washroom to fix herself back up. She couldn’t stop thinking about the stranger at the cafe who thought she was cute. It was so much better to think about his compliment rather than her fall.

_It was kind of cute._   
_Thank you._ Repeating the dialogue to herself in her head. 

Looking in the mirror, Rey wondered if she was cute. Maybe even pretty? Can you be both? Rey was of english descent with delicate features. She was taller than most women, and that always felt good, but was often embarrassed of her smile. She was in her mid twenties now, but wore braces throughout most of college. During those times, she picked up the habit of bringing her hand to her mouth whenever she laughed. She traced her index finger under her eyes to rub off any excess mascara from the uncontrollable wind tears she reluctantly wept on her way back to the office. I am cute, she reassured herself. 

Only 119 hours to go, she thought. 

She walks down a hallway to the waiting area. Maybe she will call her next client, and they wouldn’t be there? Maybe, she could even leave early?

“Benjamin Solo?” nothing yet. One could dream.

A little louder, “Benjamin Solo?” she said. 

“Kylo. I go by my middle name.”

He rose from the corner. 

Of course. The stranger from the cafe. 

Rey was blindsided by the coincidence, leaving him to stand in front of her waiting. He had a smug smile, and this was very irritating.   
  
“Follow me please” Rey insisted. 

He followed her down one hallway, and then down another. Rey was suddenly aware that she was being watched. She reassures herself that nothing could be worse than her splitting entrance at the cafe. She reached her arm out across her office door, to invite him in. Once he is seated, Rey joins him. 

“My name is Rey” She said, reaching out her hand “Nice to meet you."

His handshake was firm, but gentle; his whole hand encompassing hers. She tugged a little to signal the end of the shake, but he caught her pulling away and held her a little tighter. 

“And you too” He said, finally letting go of her hand. 

She begins her questionnaire with a series of questions to confirm his identity. 

“This might be easier” He offered her his wallet. 

He lived in Summerhill neighbourhood. Curious, she thought, If he had that kind of money, why was he using the services here? The business Rey had been interning at was somewhat subsidized. This service was often used by people with little to no options left. 

Distracted, Rey had almost forgotten that he was still sitting across from her. She angled her head up to find him touching some files on her desk.

“Um, excuse me Benjamin,”

“—It’s Kylo”

“Fine, Kylo, can you please refrain from touching those files?” She spoke, keeping a stern face. 

“I’m not reading them or anything, I’m just trying to understand how all this can be organized. I’m sorry, but your office is out of order” He said plainly, offering his palm to the room as if it was common knowledge. 

“Well you’re wrong. It’s organized just fine” She replied. 

“Uh huh. So what’s that pile on the ground represent?” He asked, pointing to a heaping pile leaning against a wall. 

“Those are some files I have to make duplicates of” She lied. She couldn’t remember if that pile was her duplicate pile or her shredding file. 

He nodded, looking away from Rey while analyzing her office. Rey felt exposed. She had seen dozens and dozens of people since she began her internship, but none like this. She can hardly remember them all, in all honesty, they kind of all blend together. 

“What does my file say?”

She turned her attention to the file on her desk. It had been faxed over by an unknown source, but at least he had experienced therapy before. She scanned the document and found some recurring words: ex-marine, reckless behaviour and sexual deviancy. 

“Nothing you don’t already know,” She replied.

“Please, be honest,'' He begged, “No one is ever honest with me.”

  
She looked up at him. She was no longer embarrassed as she was earlier. There was a sense of desperation in his eyes. It doesn’t take an MA in psychology to see that this man was in pain. There’s something to be said about a man with a little pain behind his eyes. 

“Okay” She agreed, letting out a sigh. 

“I don’t know much about you. I’m just a clerk. I haven’t completed a significant amount of time as a practicing physiatrist, but the words that come to fruition when I read your file are reckless, ex-marine and … sex fiend?” She said looking up to gage his reaction.

“Sex fiend”? He shouts, obviously upset to hear it. 

“Ahh, Yes,” Rey responds, then asking “Sexual deviancy?” 

Kylo rolled his eyes, sighed and fell back into his chair. 

“It’s not so bad.” she offered, mirroring his offer of illusion earlier, “compared to a lot of individuals I meet on a regular basis, you seem alright.” 

He smiled, and then instantly relaxed. Rey could feel the energy shift in the room. Somewhere between her clumsy fall, and his “decorated” past, there was no reason to be embarrassed, no reason to play strangers. 

“Are you a physiatrist?” He asked.

“Not yet. I mean, no. I’m not sure. I’m fulfilling requirements to complete my MA in psychology. I’m just here to complete your intake information and designate an available physiatrist for you.” 

“That’s a shame. So, you’re a student?” He asked.

“Yes. A slave to my studies.”

“What do you think of me? My file aside” Kylo asked.

His hands were folded over his lap. Wearing all black, he looked elegant, but in a masculine way. And then she noticed his sneakers: high top retro air jordans. He was the direct and confident type. Given his shady comment about her office, she could only imagine that he kept an immaculate home. Her eyes met his and his straight face came into a complete smile, with the loveliest dimples shaping his jaw. She smiled back. Rey thought to herself, how can someone so lovely, be so dangerous?

“What I think doesn’t matter. I’m no one. I’m just a clerk” she replied. 

The room was silent for some time. She could feel his eyes are her, but she paid no attention as she completed her duties. 

“I can book Dr. Hilner next Thursday for you. We ask that you please arrive 15 minutes early. I have more information, just give me a second. It’s around here somewhere…”

“I’ve got a better idea" Kylo hinted.

“Huh?”

“How about, you pick two days of the week you’re available. I’ll pay you under $100/hour under the table just to listen to me” Kylo offered. 

“Are you mad?” She asked. 

“No. Absolutely not. I’m not a sex fiend either” He responded.

Rey thought about the offer deeply, but only momentarily before responding “This sounds like a bad idea."

“Think of it as practice. I really just need someone to talk to. I could meet you in a public place” Kylo offered, “It’s worth a shot at least.”

There was something about his offer. Maybe she was curious, maybe she was just fed up with the mundane clerk work, or maybe she wanted the money. She didn’t hesitate for very long, allowing curiosity to reign over ration. She didn’t reply to his question. Instead, she rummaged through some documents until she found the right one, scribbling a couple things on the document and passing it to him. 

He scanned the document to find a note attached that had her cell number and the words Tuesday and Thursday written under it. 

“Thank you for your time” Kylo said.

She nodded, offering a small, nervous smile. 

He nodded back. His smug look returning. 

He saw himself out of her office. 

She wondered if she would regret her decision. She could always change her mind later. In the meantime, she had some documents to duplicate or shred. 


	2. Camus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pasts are revealed, moments are shared.

**

**K: Hi Rey,**   
**Can you meet @ Maz Kawa**   
**Thursday - 19:00?**

R: Yes. Sounds good. 

R: See you then. 

**K: Be careful on your walk over. I wouldn’t want you to outperform your last entrance.**

R: Haha. Very funny. You know I can still back out right? 

**K: Please**   
**Don’t.**   
**I’m really looking forward to it…..**

**

It’s Thursday afternoon, and Rey is wondering if she should keep her arrangement with Kylo. On a whim, she decides to confide in her colleague Kelly. She couldn’t tell her that she met this man here, instead she told her that they met through friends of friends and that he would prefer to support Rey in her studies rather than an impersonal therapist. She does however show Kelly his texts. 

“Five dots, Rey, are you kidding me? Okay, 'cause three dots means 'to be continued', four dots is a typo, but five dots means _Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot_ " Kelly laughed. 

“That’s ridiculous. How can so much be implied from a dot?” Rey asked. 

“Rey, honestly, when was the last time you dated?”

“Not since my high school sweetheart, and he came out in our final year” She replied. 

There was a moment of silence. Rey could sense Kelly’s pity. Rey hated the very thought. I’m sure Kelly could sense her discomfort because she changed the conversation right away. 

“So is this work, or is this a date? I mean I’m glad you told me. There’s a small chance you’ll get murdered tonight so I feel like I could, at the very least, be a witness.” 

“—It’s work!” Rey said definitively. 

“Make sure he knows that” Kelly replied. 

**

  
With Kelly’s words still heavy on her mind, Rey gathered her things and headed to the Maz Kawa’s cafe early. On the way, Rey brainstormed different ways she could back out of the arrangement. By the time she arrived, she decided she would wait for him to tell him in person that this isn’t going to work. That was the least she could do.

There were a handful of small tables, and a small couch area. Rey plopped her belongings onto the couch. The cafe was busy tonight. Some sort of bridge tournament with an older crowd. She ordered her coffee and made herself comfortable on the couch with her copy of Albert Camus’s The Stranger. After it was discussed last week, Rey realized she hadn’t given it much thought. After all, he was the second youngest Nobel Prize winner in history, surely, his accomplishments are worthy of reading. 

There is something to be said about a busy cafe; somewhere in the noise, folding cards, the door and the little bell replying back, Rey dozed off a little. Her legs were folded into her chest with her arm supporting her from the inside of the couch. She wasn’t asleep, but she definitely wasn’t awake. 

Eyes closed and drifting off, Rey heard a voice. 

"I was assailed by memories of a life that wasn't mine anymore,” She recognized the voice, but in her head, the voice remained faceless. Louder this time, “But one in which I'd found the simplest and most lasting joys."

Rey’s eyes slowly opened to find Kylo sitting across from her. 

“My god, I’m sorry. What time is it?” She asked.

“It’s quarter to 8,” Kylo replied, bearing a soft smile, “Don’t worry about it. You were sound asleep when I arrived. I took the time to collect my thoughts. It was only when you started to stir that I couldn’t help myself."

Sitting up, Rey asked “What was that you said to me?” 

"I was assailed by memories of a life that wasn't mine anymore, but one in which I'd found the simplest and most lasting joys," Kylo replied, “Camus has really resonated with me lately.”

There was nothing hostile about him. She saw a vulnerable man. If he had wanted to murder her, she would already be dead. The very thought calmed her nerves. He was dressed similar to the day of their first meeting. He wore a knit black v-neck sweater, fitted black pants and a pair of black sneakers. He must have been running his hands through his hair while he was waiting for Rey because his hair was pulled back, tucked behind his ears. Rey smiled, noticing that his face was strangely beautiful in a non-symmetrical way. The way his ears pointed away from his face was charming and his face was painted with freckles and beauty marks that softened him. In that moment, all the hesitation she had felt earlier subsided 

“I ordered you a latte” he offered her the cup with his hand, “It’s still warm. I had Maz heat it up a couple times while you were out.”

“Oh, thank you.” Rey replied, blood flushing to her cheeks. 

“Let me remove my things and we can start here. Join me on the couch” Rey offered, looking up at Kylo, who was now towering over her. His smartwatch went off and Rey couldn’t help but look to his wrist where she read that his resting heart rate was 165 bps. He fumbled with the functions and sat across from her, crossing his legs. 

She took out a notepad as he stared at the cafe walls. 

"Okay," Rey started, pen to paper. “What brings you here today?” 

His smile was gone now, eyes angled into his long face. He didn’t answer. He just looked opposite of her while running his hands through his hair. Rey would have to be more creative when trying to open Kylo up. 

“Why do you go by your middle name?” Rey posed.

“When I was served, I wasn’t the only Ben, or the only Solo. I wanted a name that stood out. A name that was mine. A name I could be proud of” He said. 

“Are you proud of your name?” Rey pried. 

His body language shifted. His legs no longer crossed, but slightly spread, with his forearms on his thighs. “No Rey, I am anything but. That is what brings me here today.”

Rey scribbled the word pride in her notebook, and nothing else. Speaking to someone like this was so intimate, and she hadn’t had much practice. She thought of the writing aspect of this meeting as more of an opportunity to break eye contact and plot her next question. 

Kylo reached out and placed his palm on the paper. It surprised Rey, not because he was forward, but because his hand was so large that it covered the entire notebook. 

“Can we maybe skip the formality of written word?” He asked. 

Rey set her notebook on the table, and grabbed her coffee instead. 

He sighed in relief. 

“So, How have you been coping with this?” She asked, sipping her coffee.

“Sex Rey. Lots of sex.” 

The response surprised Rey. She choked before spitting her coffee onto her white blouse. Rats. This was her favourite blouse. She wore it today in an attempt to impress Kylo. It was delicate, like her features, with a rounded and embroidered collar, and now it was ruined. 

“I’m sorry. That was a Joke. I’m not very good at those” He said, offering her his napkin. 

“It’s fine, just give me one minute” She said standing up as she made her way to the washroom. Taking her blouse off, she ran it under the cold water for a moment. She was delighted to find that she had worn a suitable lace undershirt that could be paired with the cardigan had brought along with her to work. She had a lot more skin exposed, but at least she had an undershirt. Her hands began to shake under the faucet. Pull yourself together Rey. You’re working. This is work. 

She exited the bathroom and made her way back to the couch where Kylo was waiting patiently. 

“Sorry about that” He said again. 

“It’s fine, really. I have a sweater around here” She said, digging her arm into her backpack. She looked up to find that his eyes had wandered. Her lace undershirt was a little short on her long frame and granted Kylo an opportunity to see her midriff. He hummed a little as she pulled the rose coloured cardigan over her body and buttoned it up. This was a business meeting after all. 

“I believe we left off with you and your sexual deviance” Rey said. 

“Yes. I mean no. What I really should have said is that I’m not coping. I’m not sleeping well either. I exercise excessively, drink significant amounts of caffeine and find escapism via literature and music."

Excessive exercise explains how a man could be this fit. If dressing in all black was an effort to disappear, he was failing; there was no possibility of hiding this gallant man.

“How does one exercise excessively?” Rey asked curiously, trying to lighten the weight of his words. 

“I run twice a day, sometimes more. I also weight lift” He responded.

Now, there are lots of questions Rey could ask. She knows them all, in fact, she had made a list of questions to ask Kylo on her lunch. All those efforts are wasted. She relies on instinct when she asks him “And what, might I ask, are you running from?” 

A smile stretched across his face. 

“That. Right there, is the reason I wanted to talk with you. Let’s cut the small talk and get to the chase huh? Well Rey, I’m running from my family, my family name, my work, but more significantly, and quite honestly, I’m just running away from myself.”

“Can we talk about your family?” She asked.

“Can we talk about _your_ family?” He responded. 

  
She shouldn't have given in, but curiosity tugged at her, hungry for a response. 

“Okay. I’ll share if you share” She offered. 

Kylo wasted no time in saying “Deal. But you go first.” 

Rey stretched her arms up pulling at her palms in a stretch thinking of how she was going to start.

“My mother was…” She stopped for a moment, gathering the strength to tell her truth. “My mother is an addict. My father is a tradesmen. They were absent, as they are now. I have no siblings, no savings, and no regrets. I will be the first in my family to graduate college” She said looking up at him, “But that’s not saying much as I have no extended family, or rather no living extended family. I’m just trying to find my place in all this.” 

He didn’t respond right away. He just looked at her. From one eye to the next, to her hands and back to her face. He didn’t pity her and Rey could sense that. She could always tell when someone felt bad for her. This was not pity, if anything, it was respect.

He sucked his bottom lip into his mouth and let out a long sigh before saying “My Grandfather was a decorated war hero. My mother is a Major General with the United States Army, and my uncle served as a Brigadier General. I am the first in my family to be dishonourably discharged from the U.S Marines, which in spite of my first confession, could quite possibly be the only thing I am actually proud of. My family is a self righteous bunch, with a mindless sense of duty and willingly ignorant to the society in which they belong to.” 

“And you father? You didn’t mention your father” She asked.

“He’s dead." 

Rey reached out and placed her hand above his elbow, on the side of his arm. Their eyes met when and Rey took the opportunity to express herself: “I’m sorry to hear that Kylo.” He placed his hand over hers. “Thank you," He responded.

When their hands met, it was electrifying. Rey exhaled as a series of goosebumps surfaced from her spine and traveled down her arm until the tingly feeling reached her hand again, which was still under his.

She was the first to pull her hand away, met again by his hand tightening around hers until he was ready to let go. 

“So, when did you stop serving in the marines?” Rey asked. 

“I was dishonorably discharged from the United States Marines 6 years ago. I signed on to a PMC, a private military company, whom I still work for” He responded. 

“Sounds Dangerous” Rey replied. 

“It can be” Kylo remarked, half smiling. 

"And you seek comfort in this line of work?" Rey asked. 

"It’s all that I know. It is my destiny, my legacy” Kylo replied. 

For a man to respect and resonate so much with philosophy, she imagined he would take comfort in the ambiguity of life, and not in the black and white, straight row, one cannot control their destiny bullshit. 

Feeling bold, Rey asked “Is it part of your legacy to be sexual deviant?” 

“Just something I picked up along the way.” 

It wasn’t necessarily what he had said, or the way he said it, but the comment stung like a bee all over. 

She was treading some heavy territory. He was smiling at her now. Rey has always been able to make an excellent read of people, but in this moment, Kylo was reading her. Not wanting to pick at that subject just yet, she blurts out “Okay, I have to ask. What in the hell were you doing in our offices? You can clearly afford an uptown shrink. You don’t require subsidies, you aren’t mentally ill and this isn’t court related.” 

“Maybe I don’t like uptown people, maybe uptown people aren’t actually listening” Kylo said shrugging, “Or maybe I prefer talking to clumsy students I meet in strange places?”

They both took a moment to sip their coffees and digest the last outcry of confessions. Rey thought deeply about his responses. A few minutes have passed and nothing new was spoken. Instead, they stared at each other, observing one another until they were just two people, sitting on a couch silently basking in each other’s truths. 

Maz began sweeping the floor around them, and Rey knew that this exhilarating experience would be over soon. 

“A taste for the truth at any cost is a passion which spares nothing” She said, quoting Albert Camus. 

“Fuck Rey. That was perfect” he said as he stood up. “See you Tuesday?” 

“1900” She responded. 

He left an envelope on the coffee table and made his exit without looking back. 

Rey opened it to find two crisp hundred dollar bills. She felt awfully guilty accepting the money and thought about returning it. Instead, she tucked the envelope into her bag, thanked Maz and left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> Please don't hesitate to comment. I'm a first time writer here, so anything helps. 
> 
> Please let me know if there are any writers or philosophers that you like. I'd love to include hidden shoutouts to people.


	3. Bukowski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey & Kylo take to The Falcon, which is a total dive of a diner.

She arrived early to find Kylo already waiting for her on the couch with her coffee, and an unmarked envelope. Rey reminded herself that regardless of how casual the setting was, this was a professional gathering, and she was a modern professional providing freeform sessions. 

She unpacked her things onto the coffee table at Maz’s “So what did you want to talk about today?” She asked. 

“Let’s talk about you” He smiled.

That didn’t take long at all, she thought.

“Nice try big guy. We’re here to talk about you today” She teased him, “Try not to think that hard about it. Just tell me what’s on your mind.” 

They faced each other on the couch. Rey had one leg curled under her, coffee cupped with both hands while Kylo was stretched across the opposite side of the couch. He looked different today. He wasn’t wearing a ‘meet the mom’ sweater this time. Instead of his black sweater, he wore a black t-shirt with camouflage zoo york jacket, black Levi's and his jordans. He looked cool, possibly too cool for Rey, who’s wardrobe consisted of thrift store finds. 

“I used to eat at this diner The Falcon with my dad," He said, running both his hands through his hair, "He would take me there before and after his business trips. It was a total dive, but it was our spot. He would always order the same thing, and let me have whatever I wanted. My mother never came. She would never be seen in a place like that.” 

“A place like that?” Rey asked.

“Yes. A place like that. Rey, do you read Bukowski?” 

Rey had not read Bukowski. As a woman, it was difficult to relate to a writer that so was openly misogynistic. “No, I have not. Sorry” She said.

“He wrote a poem once called _The Man with The Beautiful Eyes._ Bukowski wrote that _nobody wanted anybody to be strong and beautiful like that_ ”, He paused, “And _that others would never allow it._ ” he stopped to pull his lips into his mouth, adjusting his jaw with a long face. “The Falcon was the type of place where anyone could come as they were; A place where all the people had beautiful eyes. I don’t know, it’s hard to explain. The man represents all misfits, and the others represents all judgers. I think of it often, relating the man to my father, and relating my mother to the others” He paused momentarily to sip his coffee. 

“Lately, I have been having this recurring dream where The Falcon has been burned to the ground. That there is nothing left, just a smouldering twisted black foundation, and me, holding a box of Ohio blue tip matches” He said.

“In your dreams, when The Falcon is burning, how do you feel?” Rey asked.

“Horrible Rey. Devastated. Guilty” He responded, holding his hand to chin, index finger resting on his lip to catch the heavy words as they came out. 

“I think we should go to The Falcon” Rey offered. 

“Huh?”

“Okay, hear me out. This dream weighs on you. This memory of your father and this ‘holy’ place weighs on you. Confrontation is key is unloading some of that weight” Rey said.

“I haven’t been since I was a boy, I’m not even sure if its still there” Kylo lied. He knows exactly where the diner is. In fact, he runs past it nearly everyday.

Rey sat for a moment to gage his reaction. She wanted to push him in the right direction, but not so hard that they regressed in session. 

A smile rose from the ashes of his face. “Right now?” He Asked. 

“If you want? We can talk along the way” She offered. 

“It’s not too far from here, we could walk, if you wanted to” He asked.

It was times like this that Rey realized how demure Kylo was. He was never assuming, always polite and seemingly harmless. Rey nodded while packing her things. 

He slid the envelope to her. This part was awkward for Rey. She tried not to second guess herself. She told herself that it was the exchange of service that kept this arrangement professional. 

  
**

He spoke first on the walk. “So do you live around here?” 

“That’s an inappropriate question,” Rey corrected him, “But yes, I do live in the neighbourhood. I don’t drive so I wanted an easy commute to work.” 

“This neighbourhood isn’t very safe” Kylo added. 

“It’s perfectly safe!” Rey refuted.

A man surfaced from behind a dumpster off the main street. “Hey, you guys have any spare change?”

Kylo rolled his eyes at Rey. 

“He’s harmless,” She said, handing the man some loose change from from her pocket, “You take care now” she demanded, as they her and Kylo kept walking. 

“Why would you do that Rey? People like that don’t need your change. They need _to_ change” Kylo said. 

Rey responded with “People like that, need people like everyone else, to remind themselves that they are not alone.” 

Kylo reached out to touch her arm. Her eyes met his and he said “You’re not alone."

“Neither are you.” She said, offering him a slight smile. 

It was moments like this where questioned her professionalism. She had no rational explanation for the way he made her feel. 

“So what did you father used to order? You said that he always ordered the same thing?” Rey asked, changing the subject. 

“You know it’s strange. My father was a simple man when it came to food and drink. He ordered a black coffee, and always asked for the waiter to leave a little bit of room. Not for milk or cream, but for the whiskey he always carried. He always ordered toast. Double toasted, not burnt.” Kylo confessed. 

“Dry toast? Your father ate dry toast?”

“I think he had butter on it?” Kylo shrugged, “But yes, toast was his thing. I used to think it was boring, now I think that he relished in the routine. He was always away for work, so this was kind of his hard reset if that makes sense.”

“Can I ask what your father did for work?” 

“He told me that he did logistics for company overseas. My mother called him a criminal, a smuggler. Maybe he smuggled, but he was never slight, or short with me, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Even if he was a smuggler, it doesn’t matter. None of it does Rey.”

They arrived at The Falcon. Rey had never been. It was definitely a dive. A deep blue roof, aged white siding with a heavy red door. The parking lot hadn’t been paved in years and there was still an active phone booth out front. 

“Here we are,” Kylo stated, “It’s nothing really.”

“Should we burn it to the ground then?” Rey brought her hand to her face as she laughed into her palm, wondering if her joke was too soon.

“Ha. ha.” He responded, pushing her lightly and playfully as they stood in the parking lot. 

The smiles faded, and it was just her and him, standing in the lot. She had to make the first move. She reached for his hand with hers, tugging lightly “Come with me,” she offered. He was reluctant at first. But she tugged a little harder and he followed her indoors. 

“Not there,” He pointed out as Rey tried to sit down, “We always sat here” Kylo pointed to the booth by the window. 

He sat down first, planting both his hands on the table. He sighed. He wasn’t entirely relaxed, and she could feel that. His expression was stiff. His line of vision stretched across the table and his eyes began to swell a little. 

Maybe Rey had pushed him too far. In an attempt to distract Kylo from himself, she spoke. 

“My parents took me out to dinner once. It was Christmas eve, and my mom won at bingo.”

“Once?” Kylo asked.

“Yes,” She responded, “I remember getting ready and thinking that we were a family. A real family… But it ended horribly. My mother threw her drink at my father. After that, he never came home.”

“I’m so sorry Rey.”

“Thank you” She said. 

The waiter was wearing an old uniform. She smelled of cigarettes when came to the table to take their order. 

“What can I get you two?” 

Kylo fell silent. 

“I would like a hot tea”, looking at Kylo “Make it two.” Rey ordered. 

The waitress scribbled onto her notebook and walked away. 

Kylo was still settling in. His line of sight now focusing on the decor and physical structure.   
“It’s smaller than I remembered.”

“It’s still grand though” Rey added.

They drank their tea making small talk, until Kylo was recognizable relaxed. After sometime, Kylo left a ten on the table and they made their way out. He was quiet on their walk back to Maz’s where Rey had locked up her bicycle, but that didn’t bother Rey. There is something to be said about how comfortable a perfect silence can be. 

As she unlocked her bicycle, she took a moment to remind herself of a Camus quote she had memorized for him that week. 

“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. I believe he wrote that about overcoming adversaries.”

“I believe he did” Kylo added. Smiling down at her. She felt a little guilty for taking pleasure in the way he looked at her. She couldn't help but think that like his father, he was also the man with the beautiful eyes, devastatingly beautiful, dark, brown, perfect eyes.

“That was really cool Rey. What you did for me today was... really cool.” 

Rey didn’t respond. She just smiled at him. 

“Thursday?” He asked.

She nodded as she got on her bike.

"Be kind to yourself," She added as she rode away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. 
> 
> I'm sorry this depiction of Leia is much darker than most. Please know that Carrie Fisher is my fucking hero. Some stories just need a darker past?
> 
> Also, check out Bukowski's piece The Man with The Beautiful Eyes - There's a fantastic animation on youtube that inspired me.
> 
> Upcoming:  
> CH 4 through 6 will be from Ben's POV and conclude part 1.


	4. In Rainbows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was a way to behave, and there was a way in which Ben behaved; he was not malevolent, but he had questionable behaviours.
> 
> On the surface, he was cohesive and composed. Under the surface, Ben was an unruly, depraved young man. Growing up in the shadow of his mother and grandfather allowed him illicit freedoms. Ben, being an opportunist, came of age in a world where he could have whatever he wanted, when he wanted it. 

CH 4: In Rainbows

It took Ben a mere two days to take advantage of his resources and investigate Rey. Rey’s paper trail was predictable: rent, student loans, and the details of her emancipation from her parents. The hardest thing for Ben to fathom was how she could give a homeless man spare change, when she had less than a hundred dollars to her name most of the time. 

He knew how inappropriate it was to look into her private life, but he didn’t care. There was a way to behave, and there was a way in which Ben behaved; he was not malevolent, but he had questionable behaviours.

On the surface, he was cohesive and composed. Under the surface, Ben was an unruly, depraved young man. Growing up in the shadow of his mother and grandfather allowed him illicit freedoms. Ben, being an opportunist, came of age in a world where he could have whatever he wanted, when he wanted it. 

He waited around the corner, with a clear sight of her building. The hunt was thrilling for Ben. The very thought that he could see her without being seen was absolutely exhilarating.

Ben was familiar with this type of surveillance. He had been leading his team at Snoke Enterprises for half a decade. Snoke Enterprises was a dedicated private security, risk management and defense contracting company based in Scranton, Pennsylvania. The company provides mission support, security and training services to government agencies and multinational corporations worldwide. The company’s chain of command counts former Delta Force soldiers, consultants and analysts among its number. Snoke Enterprises rose to prominence in 2004 in Iraq, and one of its Iraq defense contracts is valued at $1.5 billion. Ben’s mother wasn’t proud of his “shady” work, but it had to be done, and Ben was the man who had to do it. 

Rey was on the move and leaving her house. She dropped her keys not once, but twice while packing them away. Even at this distance, Ben could see the shape of her thighs in her pencil skirt as she lifted her leg over her road bike. Ben wondered how easy it would be to get a glimpse of her cute little cunt as she rode past him on her bike. _Fuck_. He wasn’t always like this. In his younger years, he practiced celibacy. The thought now was laughable. 

There was something about Rey that drove him crazy. As much as he appreciated their sessions, a greater part of him wanted to throw it all away and just fuck her. He could fuck her on that couch at Maz’s. She would look perfect, spread for him...begging for him. 

After the coast was clear, he made his way down the block. Noticing that an elderly man was exiting the building, Ben jumped out to hold the door for him, ensuring his way into the main foyer. The rest was easy. He slid a card through the door and made his way to the stairwell. 

He made quick with his lock picking kit quickly unlocking, and closing the door behind him. 

The first thing that he noticed was that she didn’t have much. Instead of a side table next to her couch, there was a stack of books. She had all sorts of knitted and quilted blankets draped across her furniture. A single rocking chair was propped up by the window under a lamp surrounded by empty mugs on the window sill. Hooks hung from the ceiling with various vine plants that she had pinned along her white walls and a single Radiohead poster hung above an old record player. It wasn’t much but it was kind of cute, just like her. 

Peering down a short hallway, He was surprised to find that she had made her bed that morning. He laid on the surface of her bed, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply. Her smell was intoxicating. It was light and floral, gently but crisp; It reminded Ben of a wild garden. 

He rolled over to find an Albert Camus novel on the nightstand. _Good girl_ , he thought to himself. 

Passing his hand over the clothes in her closet, he noticed that she wore a lot of colour, something Ben found sexy. Her innocence was beyond sexy. Rey was the type of girl that had no fucking idea how sexy she was. 

Opening the top drawer of her dresser, Ben found what he was looking for. Like her wardrobe, her panty drawer was full of colour and patterns. One piece caught his eye, he lifted up a pair of rose coloured lace panties. _Fuck._ They were soft and delicate like her. He put them in his pocket. _For later._

His phone vibrated in his pocket. 

**R:** Hey Kylo. I’m working late tonight.   
If you’d still like to have a session, we’ll have to find another place.   
Let me know,   
Rey

He knew just the place. 

**K:** Meet @ Sky Lounge 20:00?

**R:** I may be there closer to 8:30 

**K:** It’s a date.

**R:** Nope.   
Not a date  
A session!  
...see you then

He couldn’t quite pinpoint the reason for his new found obsession of Rey. He recognized that he didn’t just want to fuck her, he wanted to know her. And it was starting to weird him out a little. Even the time he had spent in her place had come to feel wrong. Struck with a little guilt, he decided to leave. He would make it up to her by surprising her with coffee. 

**

_Knock knock_

“Come on in.” 

She gasped a little at Ben as his large frame entered her office and plopped down in a chair. 

“The usual?” he offered, passing her a coffee. 

“This is lovely. Thank you, truly. You have no idea how much I needed this. I haven’t even had a coffee yet today. My head is all over the place!” she said. 

Late or not, Ben noticed how nice she looked this day. She had soft brown hair with effortless waves that shaped her face in a way that somehow directed him back to her eyes. When she smiled, her whole face rounded around her purple glasses. Ben wondered if she had always worn glasses or if she had just started today to tease the living shit out of him. Ben thought she looked perfect in her polka dot blouse that was lightly tucked into her skirt.

“I was in the neighbourhood and figured I’d drop in.” 

Rey’s eyes narrowed. Maybe she was onto him. 

He changed the subject, “have you been to Sky Lounge? They host philosophy night on Sundays. Sometimes they have live music, but generally, it’s a quiet cafe bar.” 

“I have not”, she said, “but as long as it’s quiet and there’s a place for us to sit, I’m sure it’s fine,” she said, offering a smile. “Thank you for the coffee by the way, that was thoughtful. And unexpected.” 

“Just an excuse to see you, really” he said, grinning.

She smiled hard, bringing her hand to her face.

“So it’s not a date then?” he asked jokingly, “I mean, what’s so wrong about going on a date with me?” he asked.

“For starters, you’re paying me. So I’m pretty sure that would make me a prostitute” she blurted out. 

Ben was noticeably disappointed. The money didn’t matter to him. He picked the conversation back up, “Well, if it was a date, and I were you, I would definitely wear those glasses.”

Blood ran to her face as she began to blush. She blushed like this the day he met her. 

Ben took comfort in the fact that he could make her blush. He fantasized about what it would be like for Rey to unbutton her blouse for him. Maybe she would be wearing the bra that matched the rose coloured lace panties he still had in his pocket. He imagined her drawing her index and middle finger to her mouth and sliding that said hand into her skirt to touch herself in front of him. Would she blush for him then? Would she be flushed like this after he was done with her?

“I ought to get back to work.”

“See you this evening,” Ben said. 

“It’s a date.” 

His smile now stretched across his whole face. 

“See you then”, he said, exiting her office. 

**

Ben was seated by 800 in a booth by the window. For Ben, early is on time, on time is late and late is unthinkable. He associated discipline with integrity, and appearance with pride. His peers would describe him as anything but flexible. He approached work with intent. He was focused, intense and difficult to approach. However difficult he may be, it was obvious that Ben was reliable and dependable. He valued time, and other people’s time, but most of all, he valued her time. Maybe she was just a distraction, but meeting with Rey over the last couple weeks had left Ben in a calm state. He’s sleeping better, living better and overall less reactive. 

He ordered an old fashioned and waited for Rey to show. He decided to tone down the black clothing. He was wearing a fitted white dress shirt, black jeans and Duke low top leather dress sneakers. 

From the window in the booth, Ben watched as Rey pulled up on her bicycle. There were no bike racks outside Sky Lounge, so she parked across the street. Still wearing her outfit from earlier, he watched her lock up her bike and make her way to the door not before checking herself a parked car’s mirror. She let her hair down, and applied some chapstick. She was wearing her glasses. _Definitely a date._

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” She said, sitting across from him in the booth. 

“I just got here,” He lied. He had been there since 20:00, sharp. 

“What are you drinking?” She asked.

“An old fashioned,” he said to her as she lifted up his glass to take a sip from it, “Woah! That’s strong!” She said shaking her head lightly. 

“Welcome to Sky Lounge, what can I get for you?” the server asked. 

“I’ll have what he’s having” 

“Are you sure?” Ben asked, a little surprised.

“Yes. It’s been a long day.” 

“Oh yeah? Tell me.”

“I just had to confront some personal things, actually some family things. You know. We all have our own challenges,” she said “Enough about me, we are here for you.”

“Actually, I’m here for you.”

“Kylo, cut it out. I need you to make an effort and quit dismissing discussion to make passes at me. It’s a defence mechanism. Besides, you’re only a little charming” Rey said winking at him. There was a way Rey could call Ben out, a form in which her criticizing didn’t bother him, and that was a first for Ben. Her style and approach made it easier for Ben to open up and be honest. He liked to antagonize her. Any response to his affections was infectious to him. 

“Fine,” He replied, rolling his eyes. 

The server dropped off her drink and they cheered. 

The conversation opened softly with daily activities and routines. They touched base on Ben’s social skills, noting since they have started talking, he’s been less reactive to certain surprises. And by certain surprises, Ben means the mailman, the idiot that cuts him off while he’s driving or his mother that is constantly in the press for her 'good deeds' in government. Ben always seemed to turn the conversation around, provoking Rey to confess some of her own thoughts, reflections and feelings. Rey preached mindfulness and yoga, and Ben talked weight training and protein supplements. In this conversation, Ben learns that Rey is dealing with the disappearance of her mother and the indifference she carries for her. This is something they have in common—a broken family.

By 23:00, they had both ordered and finished two old fashioned. Rey was drinking water now. Ben was completely unfazed, but Rey was really feeling it. Her voice was louder, she was attempting jokes and talking with her hands. 

“Kylo, how do you do it?”

“How do you I do what?” 

“How do you keep your white shirts so clean?” She asked, "And what is the deal with your sneakers?”

“Listen. We haven’t touched on that yet, but I actually collect sneakers. That topic is off bounds Rey,” he said poking her shoulder, “You know, you’re kinda cute when you’re drunk kid.” 

“Don’t do that. Don’t tell me I’m cute. You’re making this hard for me.”

He reached out to touch her hand, but she pulled away. It was getting hard for him too, in more ways than he could count. 

"Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Ugh...Well, this might come as a surprise. But I've practiced celibacy for years."   
  
Rey nearly choked on her water after that confession. 

“How long were you celibate for?”

“I was celibate for 6 years. Age 18 until my 24th year.”

“That takes a great deal of self control” Rey said.

“Yes, exactly. That form of self control acted as a drug for me. I got off, on not getting off. Does that make sense? I had to do it, I was reckless back then Rey. When I was your age, I was a mess.”

“What made you break control? Why did you stop?”

“Actually, the aspect of control was taken from me. I was able to find the balance in my late 20’s.” 

“Balance” she sighed. 

  
Ben was a large man. His legs were basically taking up all the space under the booth. The more comfortable Ben and Rey became, the closer their legs were. They had each been pushing the boundary and taking risks throughout the conversation to graze each other’s legs. At this point, his legs surrounded hers, and her legs kept touching his has he closed in on them. 

“I should go,” She said. 

“I’m walking you home”

“That’s unnecessary.”

“This is non-negotiable kid. I’ll grab the bill, you collect your things.” 

**

“Do you have your driving license Rey?” 

“Of course, I just don’t have a car.” 

Rey’s road bike was a vintage teal Bianchi with mustard yellow gripping tape. You can tell she was proud of it. As she unlocked her bicycle, Ben slid an envelope into her bag. At first, they agreed at one hundred dollars an hour, but Ben had been increasing her rates. He paid her two hundred on their first session, and he was slipping two thousand into her backpack on this day. “I like your bike,” he said. 

“I like your hair.” The words fell out of her. She was feeling more adventurous now. And flirting without as much hesitation. 

“Oh, I see. We are giving out compliments are we? Well, I like your mouth.”

She gasped. “Benjamin Kylo Solo! This is exactly what I’m talking about. You can take something like a mouth, and make it vulgar and sexual. Not everything is sexual.” 

But everything was sexual to Ben. He was either hating the world, or fucking it. 

“No, not everything is sex. But you Rey, are definitely Sexy.” 

She stopped. He stopped. 

“Ky… I… I can’t keep doing this. What are we even doing here?” 

“We’re spending time together.”

“Yeah, but this isn’t dating. For fuck sakes, you’re paying me.”

“Money doesn’t mean anything to me. I have too much. You could use a little more,” Ben said, “it’s as simple as that.”

“That’s not right Kylo. I barely know you. And I’m not some charity case. I can take care of myself.”

“I can’t,” he stopped, holding her arm, “I can’t take care of myself,” He said implying that he needed her too, “And you do know me. Better than anyone actually.”

She didn’t say anything. Together they stared at each other. Eyes jumping from one eye to another. At this moment, Rey is looking up at Ben as he towers over her, his hand still placed on her arm. _Fuck._ There’s a part of Ben that wants to pounce. He wonders how delicious she would taste in his mouth, not just her lips, but her entire fucking body. Rey licked her lips and opened them slightly as she angled her chin up to him. If Ben is reading this right, he should just wrap his arms around her and steal the kiss she’s presenting to him. He desperately wants to run his hands down her ass and lift her up into him. He moves his jaw around a bit while biting his lip.

Finally, he says “Rey, I’m crazy about you.”

  
Her eyes close and she presses her forehead against his chest. Ben pulls the rest of her body into his. His head crowned to hers as he embraces this hug. She smelt so sweet and delicate, just like her apartment earlier that day.

Ben cannot remember the last time he had hugged another person. She pulled away first but he pulled her in tighter, almost crushing her.

“Kylo. You don’t need a lover, you need a friend,” She said, softly pushing away from him. 

The words cut deep for Ben, who was not expecting rejection directly after embrace. He swallowed his pride as he watched her lock up her bicycle and then and he walked her to her door.

“Goodnight Kylo, thank you for walking home,” She said, visibly upset, “See you in a couple days?”

Ben nodded. 

“Rey?”

“Yes?”

“Maybe I need both?”

“Maybe,” she said, smiling softly. 

**

The following day Ben slept in. It’s a rare occurrence, but it does happen. He played the Radiohead record from the poster on Rey’s wall: In Rainbows. Maybe it was self indulgent, but his experience with Rey had left him with an empty feeling in his gut. It had been a long time since Ben had allowed himself to be vulnerable. 

His phone vibrated

**Snoke:** 14:00, The Chevy, today. 

**K:** Yes Ma’am. 

** 

The Chevy was code for a warehouse Snoke Enterprise used for Logistic training located on the outskirts of the city. Work had been quiet. Ben hadn’t received a mission in nearly two months. Not that he was complaining, however, an opportunity to let out some steam after his falter with Rey seemed like a healthy plan. 

Ben wasn’t close with his colleagues by any means. They remained physically close on missions, but communicated with cues and intuition as Snoke’s directions permitted them to. His team was known as the Knights of Ren. They were a renowned ground team and highly sought after. Ben had respect for his colleagues, but no patience. 

Ben was close with Snoke however. After his fall from the military, Snoke was Ben’s only form of social contact for years. She was a woman not to be reckoned with. Standing at six feet tall, she had long straight blonde hair. She was incredibly fit and trained in Krav Maga. Originating for use by the IDF or Israeli Defense Force, Krav Maga is a non-sport martial art, meaning it has no concern of an opponent's well being. She hit to kill, she shot to kill, and she lived to kill. She was Ben’s mentor, and although he would never admit to Rey, he had been intimate with Snoke throughout the years. 

“Take a seat everyone.”

“Kamino is a small village outside of Canpar. It is currently being controlled by an anti government group. Your objective,” She said, passing them a file that included blueprints, plane tickets and a handful of headshots with descriptions. “Once you have removed the threats, along with their henchmen. Contact me for directions. We are going to move south.”

“Get some sleep. We meet at the rendezvous point in 6 days.”

“Dismissed.”

The Knights collected their files and began to pack up.

“Kylo, you can stay.” 

The Knights left and just Ben remained. 

“You’ve grown soft on me. I can see it on your face.”

She reached out to touch his chest and he stepped back. 

“Get in line! Don’t you dare forget that you would be nothing without me. I have cared for you, supported you.” 

“I have given everything to you. Everything to Snoke Enterprises,” Ben pleaded. 

She backhanded him. 

“Cut that ridiculous hair.”

He said nothing. His face still facing away from her. 

“Now be a good soldier and remove your shirt.” 

Ben did as she asked. Ben’s back and chest were covered in scars. Some of them were injuries from field work, but some of them had a different backstory. 

He bowed his head, folded his hands behind his back, sighed and waited. 

Snoke approached Ben and began undoing his belt. She ripped the leather from his midsection, wrapping it around her hand as she walked behind him. She wound her arm back and with the force of her body, slashed the leather and buckle across Ben’s back. He grunted under his breath but remained still. She did it again. This time he did not respond. She circled him, reaching out to grab his cock over his jeans. 

“You’re pathetic. Can’t even get hard for me anymore? You have too much of your father’s heart in you young Solo.”

He didn’t respond. Instead he closed his eyes and imagined Rey’s small body tucked into his as they stood on the sidewalk the night before. How she laughed at his jokes, called him on his shit, and the way she smelt. 

“Get out of my fucking sight.”

He grabbed his shirt, and his belongings and made his way to the door. It wasn't always like this. In all honesty, Ben enjoyed the mixture of pain and pleasure at one point and grew to be indifferent about the pain after that point. He hadn't put much thought into it. He thought of this aspect of his work an important part of his duties and key to his power and leadership in the field. Maybe Rey had softened him. Ben spent the rest of his afternoon contemplating if he preferred the soft touch of Rey over the heavy hand of Snoke. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading. I'm posting Chapter 5 & 6 over the next couple of days. 
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!


	5. Aurelius & Blood and Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're best friends now, and it's not pathetic. 
> 
> Rey and Ben get drunk, share secrets, overcome hardships and things get extra salty. 
> 
> Backstory Ben begins as he starts to unravel. 
> 
> City Ben is different from working Kylo. Would Rey still look at him the same if she knew both sides of him?

Conversation was comfortable with Rey. Today was session eight. Ben had spent the month counting down the days to see her.

Rey was pushing Ben to confront his truths. 

“Your secret is safe with me.”

He knew his secrets were safe with her, that wasn’t the problem. The real problem was what Ben was willing to share. Being an extremely private man, Ben was burdened with mostly secrets. 

“I studied at University of Michigan.”

“Let me guess… Civil Engineering?”

“Business.”

“That’s not really a secret,” Rey added. 

“Well, you have to keep listening to get to the good part kid,” He said, sitting up on the couch. 

He spoke freely “I was rarely in class. I was pursuing my career in the military simultaneously, under the watchful eye of my mother. I did most of my work independently, but I certainly didn’t do all the work. I missed the final semester, along with my graduation. But when I returned from service, my apparent Degree hung from the wall.” 

Ben remembered the day his father discovered it, and how Han said it was a shame that he didn’t get the experience he deserved. It wasn't cruel, in fact it was the opposite: it was just Han. 

“My mother and I never spoke about it,” he added, looking past her and then taking a sip of his coffee, “It meant nothing to me. When I finally moved out, I left it behind,” he shrugged. 

Ben sat across from Rey on the couch at Maz’s cafe. He wanted to tell her everything. He wondered if he told her everything would she still look at him like this? She waited on his every word. The way she smiled for him made his heart swell. Some time had passed and he still hadn’t said a word. 

Rey broke the silence.   
“I know this sounds horrible, but my mother has been MIA lately, and it’s been a great source of relief for me. It’s so nice not to hear from her. I’m not a horrible person Kylo—”

“—of course you’re not,” He interrupted. 

“It’s just that when you have someone in your life that takes and takes and takes until you have nothing left to give, and then demands more… It’s hard to keep your composure. I mean, there’s a part of me that is worried about her, but a part of me that’s grateful for the peace and quiet, you know?”

“It’s not worth punishing yourself over,” He said to her. 

She said nothing. Having experienced so much of it himself, Ben could sense that she was reeling with guilt.

“I was there, just a few yards away, the day my father died," Ben said.

Rey sighed deeply. Now waiting on his next words, but he had none. He couldn’t even look in her the eye after shedding that secret, that wasn’t even the whole truth. The truth was so much darker than Rey could handle, fuck it was more than he could handle most days. 

“Did you want to talk—”

“Maybe another time,” replying quickly so Rey wouldn't pick at it. 

She reached out to touch his hand.  
“Well, I know that was difficult to say. In time, I want you to be comfortable sharing your truths with me. Sharing helps shed some of the weight and burden of our secrets.” Ben nodded, holding a half smile to hers as they shared in this moment. 

“Marcus Aurelius stated ‘that in the end, our loss is exactly the same as everyone else’s. We just lose the present moment, because that’s all that we have. I shared this with you to remind you that there’s nothing you have felt, that someone else hasn’t felt; pain is universal and everything is forgivable if you allow it.”

Ben had never thought of life in those terms. Living in a world of black and white, Ben left nothing in the grey; there was right, and wrong, and nothing in between. Rey had this way of thinking that provoked Ben. What if he had been wrong all along? 

“Listen, I have to do a work thing next week. Would you be willing to have a session on the weekend with me?” 

“Sure.”

“Saturday Night?” 

“That’s a bit informal, don’t you think?” 

He doesn't want to hide his intentions from her, so he just let's it slip out. “I’d like to see you everyday, if you’d let me," he said seriously.

Rey blushed saying “that sounds dangerous”

“—No, it sounds delightful.” 

He reached for her hand and she placed hers in his. He didn’t want to scare her away, but Ben had to be forward. It was the only way Ben knew how to act. He wanted this. He wanted her. And he wanted her to know. 

“Pick you up at 7pm?”

“Yes.”

**

>   
> **R:** Kylo, I’m sorry. Something came up. It’s my mother.   
>  I can’t meet tomorrow night. 
> 
> **K:** Please don’t worry about it. Let me know if you need anything.
> 
> She responded instantly 
> 
> **R:** I need a drink. 
> 
> **K:** I’ll meet you anywhere, Kid. 
> 
> **R:** I’m in Gary, Indiana. 
> 
> **K:** Send me your address.
> 
> **R:** 1742 Washington N. Room 122.
> 
> **K:** See you soon. 
> 
> **R:** Are you absolutely sure?
> 
> **K:** Don’t move. I’ll see you soon Kid. 

  
**

3 hours later

  
**

She was waiting out front of the motel in an old lawn chair, a bottle of beer in her hand when Ben arrived. 

“You would drive a motorcycle,” She said. Ben noticed that she had already had a few drinks. 

“Not just any motorcycle, an ‘88 Matchless G80. My bike can get me a little further than yours” He said, placing his helmet on the ground next to her as he pulled up a chair.

“What are we drinking?” He asked. 

“Nothing but the best!” She said, offering him a Pabst Blue Ribbon. He placed the bottle on the ground, and grabbed hers from her hands.

Taking a swig, he said “Are you alright?”

“She did it. She finally did it. She didn’t even leave a note. She just took whatever money she had to her name, and found a place to die in. Get this,” she said, backhanding his chest, “She was dead for 11 days before someone noticed. How is that even possible?” 

“I’m so sorry, Rey. That’s really fucked up,” He said, resting his hand on her back. 

She pulled her legs into her chest, wrapped her arms around herself and buried her head into herself and began to sob. She was completely disheveled, and not in the way Ben had imagined. Her hair was knotted in a bun, she was wearing an oversized T-Shirt & flannel over tights. She was an absolute mess. She had been here alone, and crying for hours. 

“I wish I could do something to make the pain go away,” He offered. 

She looked up at him, “I don’t have any friends. Isn’t that pathetic? You're like, my best friend Kylo.” 

Ben had no friends either. He had work, working out, and Rey. 

“It’s not pathetic. You’re my best friend too,” He told her.

She leaned into him, her head resting on his arm. 

“Let’s get you inside. It’s getting cold.”

“I don’t want to go inside. I want you to be with me.” 

Those words struck a chord in him. He wasted no time, picking her up like a baby and carrying her to her motel room. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her head into his chest. 

“You’re going to be okay Kid. I’m going to take care of you” He told her as she sobbed into his chest. 

Something came over Ben. He’ll never forget the way he felt after his father died. Her pain was his pain. Ben had spent so much of his life avoiding anything relatively emotional, but not in this moment. This moment was beautiful, painful and real. She trusted him and he trusted her. 

He gently placed her on her feet, stabilizing her by holding her up. Once she was balanced, Ben removed his shoes and socks. He cupped her face and angled it up to him. Her eyes were nearly swollen shut from sobbing.

She breathed deeply as he traced his fingers over her face to tuck her hair behind her ears. He had fantasized deeply about the first time he could touch her, truly touch her. Those fantasies would have to wait. He was about to do something that was so much more intimate than he could ever imagine. He cared for her deeply and much more in this moment that he ever expected. 

He began pulling the sleeves of her flannel off. She followed his lead, submitting herself to him. He then lifted her shirt over her head. She was bare from the waist up, but Ben didn’t break eye contact. Looking deeply into her eyes as he took a knee to pull her tights and panties down to her ankles. She stepped out of her clothes without a word. She stood in front of him completely naked, while he was fully dressed. Rey’s beautiful body was completely bare for him, yet his eyes still on hers. 

He lifted her back up into his arms to cradle her as he carried her to the bathroom. Keeping her tucked into him, he ran the shower.

When the water was warm enough, he stepped in, gently setting her down on her feet under the hot stream. He wrapped his left arm around her, gently leaning her back into the stream. She kept her eyes closed as Ben reached for the shampoo and began to lather it into her hair and rinsing it out.

This was too much. She was completely and comfortably vulnerable in front of him. He had never experienced such vulnerability. He directed her to turn around. He reached for the soap and began tracing her arms with it. She pulled his arm around her, fully embracing him as she backed up until him. There was no space between them now. This surprised Ben. He placed the soap down and wrapped his other arm around her. His chin was buried into the spot between her neck and shoulder. They stayed like this until the hot water turned to warm. 

She began shivering. Ben directed her to turn to face him. He slipped his hands under her thighs and picked her up into him as she wrapped her arms around his neck. It dawned on Ben that she was naked, and spread around his fully clothed, soaking wet body. He tried to hide his excitement, but with her pressed up against him, it was difficult. 

He placed her on the edge of the bed, wrapping one towel around her head and the other around her shoulders. She slid under the covers. He stripped the majority wet clothes off before following her into bed with his briefs on. 

“You’re going to be okay Kid. I’m here,” He said wrapping his entire body around hers. 

They fell asleep like this. 

Her body fit perfectly into his. Like perfect puzzle pieces, their breathing harmonized as they fell into safe and sweet slumber. 

**

Ben woke around midnight to the sound of his phone vibrating. 

> **Snoke** : Change of plans  
> Meet @ 500 at the rendezvous
> 
> **K:** Impossible 
> 
> **Snoke** : You have no say in the matter. 

  
“Rey, I have to go,” He whispered over her shoulder, “I have to work.”

“Right now?” She asked. 

“Unfortunately,” He responded. 

He placed his head back into the spot between her neck and shoulder.   
“I’m sorry. I don’t want to go,” He whispered.

“Kylo wait,” She said sitting up in bed. She grabbed a T shirt and put it over her head and went into the bathroom. 

He found his clothes on the desk chair. They were still wet. _Great. Nothing like soaking wet clothes on a motorcycle ride in the late fall, in the goddamn midwest._

He tied up his boots just as she entered the room. Before he could stand up, she straddled him on his lap. 

She wasted no time as she pushed her lips onto his. Pushing so hard he was leaning back. He lifted his hand to cup her face as she pulled away. “Come back to me?” She asked, sitting up. “Where do you think you’re going,” Ben said as he grabbed her bare ass and pulled her back onto him, placing his hand behind her neck and pulling her mouth back to his. 

He started with soft kisses on her bottom lip. Once she was settled back onto his lap, he pushed harder against her lips, each kiss taking in more of her lips. She was following his lead, but broke the gentle kisses to bite down on his bottom lip. 

_Fuck. That’s it._

Her hands were now on his neck moving up into his hair as he pushed through her lips, slipping in his tongue. Tongues met in a whirlwind of excitement as they explored each other with their hands. She broke away from his lips to kiss down his neck. He grunted as she purred against him.

His hands trailed down her back and onto her bare ass where he pulled her closer to thrust himself against her and let her know how bad he wanted it.

She was nibbling on his neck now. Even her bites were gentle. Ben’s hand ran up her back and into her scalp. He pulled her hair to direct her from his neck back into his mouth. He held her head in place with his hand as he whispered “I have wanted this for some time” onto her lips. He kissed her violently. He was absolutely insatiable.

She pulled away to catch her breath and he lifted her torso so he could lick down her chest. “I know,” She responded. This was all happening so fast. It dawned upon Ben that she was bare down there, he rushed his hand down her chest and below her belly button while taking a nipple into his mouth. She reached her hand out to catch his. “Too much.” 

Ben halted. Panting into her. 

She wrapped her arms around him for a hug and he followed suit. 

“Come back to me, Okay?” 

“You fucking kill me Rey.”

“I’m sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry Kid. If one thing is certain in this world, I’m coming back to you.” 

She stepped off of him and walked back to the bed. Her ass hanging out of the bottom of her T-shirt. Ben leaned over to the side to watch her cute little ass as she walked away. 

He stood up and readjusted himself in his pants. He walked over to her, kissed her on the forehead. 

“I’ll text you as soon as I can.”

“Thank you for coming out. Talk soon,” She reassured him. 

Though it was one of the hardest things Ben had done, he left Rey in Indiana to meet at the rendezvous point for Snoke. 

  
**

> _{BACKFLASH TO 2013)_
> 
> _While officially, America's war in Iraq ended in December, 2011, hundreds of U.S. military personnel remain in Iraq as trainers for the Iraqi military and security forces. As the Iraqi insurgency continues, it would be foolish to believe that America's involvement in Iraq was truly over as it certainly wasn’t over for Snoke Enterprises (S.E)._
> 
> _It’s a windy evening in the deserts of Iraq and Ben is completing his training initiation. He was blindfolded for a long time before he arrived on location._
> 
> _ What are you? _
> 
> _ A mercenary  _
> 
> _ And Who do you serve? _
> 
> _ Snoke Enterprises! Then, myself. _
> 
> _Move out_   
>  _Snoke removed his blindfold, showed Ben a single photograph and pointed at a camp only a mile or two away._
> 
> _He has bare minimal gear. A bowie knife in his boot, a handgun with only 2 rounds and single flare. He moved quietly through some small brush until he reached the vicinity of the camp. A single guard looking north east, a handful of men conversing around utility vehicles sitting west, and the tent, which was guarded as well, was south in the camp._
> 
> _Ben moved on the north east guard first, pulling him into the shadows and pressing his forearm against the guard’s throat, cutting off blood circulation while Ben’s other hand pushed their neck down simultaneously._
> 
> _1 down._
> 
> _He moved west. One man left the other to take a piss. Ben wasted no time, and followed suit, pressing his forearm once again to lay this guy to rest too. Just as the guard is nearly out, another is walking up. Ben removed the bowie knife from his boot and threw it. He cuts deep in the place between the guard’s two eyes as they drop their gun and fall to the ground._
> 
> _2 & 3 down. _
> 
> _The light noise has made the other’s suspicious, but Ben is prepared. As the guards leave their post, Ben comes up from behind the utility vehicles. He crouches to catch the achilles heel of one with his knife, who falls prone, and stands to shoot another in the head from behind._
> 
> _4 down._
> 
> _Ben kicks the weapon from the prone guard, and begins hand to hand combat with the two remaining guards. Aware that a shot has been fired and it’s only a matter of time before the entire camp arrives and the mission fails, Ben breaks the arm of one, pulling the AK-47 into himself to eliminate another._
> 
> _5 down._
> 
> _The last guard standing lifts his arms up to surrender. Ben uses the back end of his gun to knock him out._
> 
> _6 down._
> 
> _He takes out the prone guard with the AK-47 before taking shelter behind the utility vehicles as shots begin to fire at him._
> 
> _7 down_
> 
> _He waits until the clips are done before he assesses the south side of the camp where he locates a large stockpile of ammunition and supplies. He lights the flare and tosses into the stockpile. A loud explosion carries chaos, smoke and fire into the camp, distorting the remaining guard's eyesights._
> 
> _He slits one's neck, and then the other with his bowie knife._
> 
> _9 down._
> 
> _Retrieving two handguns from the fallen man, Ben makes his way to the tent._
> 
> _He waits outside the tent for a moment, waiting for the right moment as he listens to foreign dialogue._
> 
> _He knows that very few remain, 2 are positioned at either side of the tent. Ben enters taking them out one by one with a shot to the head, however, in that frame of a second, he takes a bullet to his leg, consequently taking a knee._
> 
> _11 down._
> 
> _As he looks up, he sees the primary target, alongside 2 young boys holding onto his target no older than 10._
> 
> _Snoke is beside him now._
> 
> _Ben takes out the target with a single bullet to the head._
> 
> _Target down._
> 
> _No witnesses Kylo._
> 
> _He hesitates. Snoke pulls the trigger taking out one of the young boys as the other young boy reaches for his father's gun and places his little hand on the trigger aimed at snoke._
> 
> _Ben fires._
> 
> _Civilians down._
> 
> _The boy falls into a pool of his father’s blood. The once white tent is now splattered with the blood of the target and his two sons._
> 
> _Move out._
> 
> _Ben is frozen. The fire has moved from the outside of camp into the tent and is now catching fire along the tent walls. Ben is still frozen._
> 
> _Kylo. Come._
> 
> _He follows her out of the tent, away from the blood and fire._

  
**

  
Snoke wasted no time in priming Kylo into the perfect killer. He was a weapon, property of S.E, and bound for _great things_. In such a short period of time, the Knights of Ren had become the most sought after ground solution, exchanging great profit for high risks missions across the middle east. 

It was 4:42 when Ben arrived at the rendezvous point. It was a long hike from his bike and stretched across a few hundred acres of land. Knights began to arrive from all corners of the field. A private helicopter landed and they boarded.

This mission should be no different... 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so dropping in!
> 
> This chapter was inspired by films like Jarhead, John Wick, and Bourne Identity. Ben has secrets, I know, and a lot more to come. Not all good guys start out as good guys...
> 
> There is one chapter left is Part 1 of this series: The First Sessions. 
> 
> The final chapter will include both Rey's POV & Ben's POV.


End file.
